I am 21.

Four days ago, I was sitting in a bar with five of my friends enjoying the smooth sound of a hefty hispanic man singing along Garth Brooks. In the midst of my 21st birthday celebration, I started singing along to his rendition of "I've got friends in low places" while finishing my fourth drink of the night. I sat there with a smile on my face while being hassled by my friend Ryan, "Drink your beer, Paige!" and thinking to myself, I have the best friends in the world. 

I mean, of course everyone says that when they're with good people celebrating life achievements. But in all honesty, I really do. 

How many people do you know that would sit in two in a half hours worth of traffic to come to hang out with someone they've only known for a few months? Or who do you know would drive out after work on the night of a big NBA play off game to be hassled and forced to eat a ton of food they didnt want to eat after knowing someone for barely a month? And who do you know would put up with a drunk 21 year old on the drive home, or have something professed to you by the same drunk 21 year old?

Not a lot, I bet.

My friends put up with a lot of crap. They help me through the tough times, when I'm insecure, when I feel like I have nothing else left. They motivate me into becoming a better person, they help me become more level headed, they talk sense into me. 

If it weren't for them, I'd be nothing. 

Seriously. 

I have overcome many fears and obstacles in the past year. I've made great and poor decisions, and have learned a lot from those who have tried to straighten me out. I'm not as out of control as I once was, I have stability. These friends have sat me down and shown me the important things in life: job, goals, family, friendships, getting back on the horse. They expect a lot out of me, and I don't want to disappoint them.

I realized on my 21st birthday, that I constantly tell each and every one of my friends how proud I am of them. 

Now, it's my turn to make them proud. 

6 Days.

My lack of updating disgusts me. My bad. The past couple of weeks have destroyed my ability to sit down and write a completely thought out entry.  Between work, volunteering for the Amgen Tour of California, meeting Mark Cavendish, taking part in the Santa Monica Ride of Silence, going on bike rides, AND going to countless bike races; you would think I would have a ton to write about.

I don't really.

And it's not because I'm choosing to not share it in my blog, it's just the fact that it's literally too much to recall.

14 Days.

Two years ago, my friend and I went to Disneyland together. He had come down to visit for a few days and we made it our main priority to visit the mouse kingdom while he was in town.

We were walking through Adventureland when I grabbed his hand and held it in mine. He looked at me and asked, "What are you doing?" As soon as he said it, I quickly let go of it. I was so embarrassed, I barely said a word to him for the rest of the day.

I always learn from my mistakes; if not the first time then definitely the second. Such mistakes could be as minor as not wearing sunscreen to the beach and in return getting a terrible sunburn, to something emotionally unsettling like reading into someone's actions too much and getting shot down in the most embarrassing way ever. Lately, I've made a couple of little mistakes here and there that have left me saying to myself, "What was I thinking?" Drinking coffee is one of them haha

I woke up this morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. It was 10am and I had to force myself out of bed to get my day started, seeing as I had slept for about 11 hours (I desperately needed to catch up on sleep). I made myself scrambled eggs and slathered cream cheese on a bagel before pouring myself a cup of coffee, then sat down in front of the boob tube and watched stage 7 of the Amgen Tour of California. This whole weekend I found myself getting around 4-5 hours of sleep due to the fact my sleep schedule sucks, and getting up before 6am three days in a row was tough. My body hasn't adapted to coffee yet, which sucks because it tastes so good and it totally brings me out of zombie mode. However, the caffeine caught up with me this morning and I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I sat on the couch thinking to myself, "Holy crap, there's a track and field competition going on inside my chest!" I haven't had that feeling in a few years, back when I had heart palpitations and anxiety attacks. Last thing I needed was to get back on medication that made me feel like shit.

So, lesson learned. I'm limiting my coffee intake. Nemo, I don't know how you can do it.

19 Days.

I smiled a lot today.
I forgot that genuine guys still exist.You know, the ones who don’t have to brag to make themselves look cool.Ones who don’t try too hard, ones that just act themselves around you.Those are the best guys to be around.Because they make you feel comfortable, they make it easier to converse with.It’s been a long time since I’ve made a new guy friend who wasn’t full of complete shit. I like that.

20 Days.

I got my confirmation email today.
I'll be working as a course marshal for the Amgen Tour of California Individual Time Trial in Downtown Los Angeles this weekend.
Everything is coming together.

Life is exciting.

21 Days.

Dear Roadies,


Yes, I ride a fixed gear, with no breaks.
Yes, I wear lycra and jerseys. 
Yes, I ride clipless.
Yes, I am at criterium & road races warming up with your compadres.


GET OVER IT.


No need to be rude by deliberately shoving me out of the way at a race (although the guy who did this had a team mate who witnessed this and apologized a million times, thanks) No need to tell me to get off the bike trail when you can't even hold your line. There is absolutely no reason to not give me the respect you give to other riders. 


I signal when I make turns.
I call out when I'm passing you.
I call out road conditions/debris when you're DRAFTING me (why you would, I have no idea).
I check over my shoulder to make sure you guys aren't going to be on my left or right when I decided to pull off.
I ask if you're ok if I see you sitting on the side of the road.
I wave to you or smile when we cross paths.


Please, seriously, drop the egos and just be courteous. That's all I ask.


Sincerely yours,


Me. 

25 Days.

It's 5:30 am. My mom just came into my room.
"Did you seriously stay up all night?"
"I can't sleep"
"Why can't you sleep?"
"I just can't."


Is it really that big of a deal that I have the worst sleeping pattern ever?
I have work in 12 1/2 hours. I should probably get some sleep before I end up biting someone's head off.
Bedroom door is being locked to make sure there are no disturbances.


Maybe I can actually catch Stage 6 of Giro d'Italia...